Will's Roulette
by Mezzy-Pen
Summary: The struggle Will has, when trying to overcome his Warmweed addiction. Song Fic. Complete. Dark themes.


**Disclaimer:**I do not own the characters or the song.

**Song:** Rihanna, Russian roulette.

**Summary:** The struggle Will has, when trying to overcome his Warmweed addiction.

_Take a Breathe, take it deep  
Calm yourself, he says to me  
if you play, you play for keeps_

The liquid warmth spread though my veins like wild fire, warming every inch of me. It made me feel cosy and warm, like I was back at Halt's hut sitting in front of the fire wrapped in my cloak sipping on a hot mug of coffee. But all too soon the memory and the feeling fades and I'm back in the farm, cold and alone. It's made me hungry, hungry for more. Cold shivers break over my body, I need it. A rough hand stills my body, but it is cold, just like everything else. I can hear the cold hoarse laughter around me, they can see my suffering.

"If you want more boy, I suggest you work hard tomorrow." His voice sounds like rocks being grated to my ears, but I nod. I still need it.

_Take a gun, and count to three  
I'm sweating now, moving slow  
No time to think, my turn to go_

After my four hour shift on the paddles, I was drained, cold, and half dead by my reckoning. I was on fire, a cold fire at that. I was sweating, soaking my already drenched form. I could barely move, I was freezing, lying on cold hard ground, covered by a small sack. Then my saviour came, in his hand my bless saviour. Again the warmth surrounded my body, filling me up giving me strength and power that in reality I didn't have. My eyes closed into a small blissful oblivion for a few short hours, before the icy morning brought me more pain and despair, until the kind man saves me from my own death, by giving me my blissful saviour.

_And you can see my heart beating  
You can see it through my chest  
And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving  
Know that I must pass this test  
So just pull the trigger_

"Gods of darkness, is that you boy?"

I can see the figure in front of me; he was like all other Skandians: tall; broad; and bossy. I wait until he gives me some orders, or a hit for standing his way. He looks shock to see me, I don't know why; I'm just like every other slave about in these god damn yards. He looked up at the blurred figure in front of him, wishing to all kinds of gods that he would be the one to put him out of his misery.

_Say a prayer to yourself  
He says 'close your eyes, sometimes it helps'  
And then I get a scary thought  
That he's here - means he's never lost_

Will could find himself retreating deeper into his own mind, slowly losing himself to the warm weed and his own identity being lost with it. The sluggish background of his mind that was still attached to reality, he knew if he didn't fight back, he might never would. He gives up and close his eyes, and be lost to his mind indefinitely.

_As my life flashes before my eyes  
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?  
So many won't get the chance to say good-bye  
But its too late to think of the value of my life_

He ran a soft hand over the wood of the small hunting bow, his mind struggling between what he is and what is controlling him. Turning it over in his hand, he brings it up in an easy movement pulling back the string till it is tight. He could almost feel shaded woodland sunshine warming his back, smell of coffee, and feeling safe…He tries to hold onto the memories as the sliver out of his grasp and back into the swamp of his mind.

He's holding the bow again, this time he feels a different bow. It's heavier than the small bow in his hands, a different shape too. There are faces as well; he can't quite see them through the murk in his head, but there is one he can see. A grizzly bearded man, he's scowling but his eyes are proud and happy. Halt. He remembers Halt, his mentor. He feels a tremor of happiness flood him, as he remembered his mentor who was near enough family for him. However, that is soon taken over by a rush of anxiety and fear, Halt would never want him as an apprentice ever again. Not one as damaged as him anyway.

_And you can see my heart beating.  
No, You can see it through my chest.  
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving no_.

"Will!"

Halt voice cut through Will's brain like icy fire, clearing his eyes and senses. The young apprentice was stood in front of his own mirror, his powerful saxe knife pressed against his throat by his own hand. Shakily Will dropped the knife with a grasp, seeing the small trail of blood on his neck, before turning to his mentor; friend; and closest thing to a father he had ever had. The young teen stood in front of the ranger, head bowed and shivering, waiting for redemption to come down upon him. He was quite shocked when Halt placed a blanket around him, and led him into living area for some comfort and coffee, that Gilan had just made for them. Surrounded by his fellow rangers, Will knew he just overcame a test that few others could.

oOo

**Author's Note:** Meh, this is quite old, but I'm strangely proud of it.


End file.
